apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
