1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
