Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
