help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
