I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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