Your dad touched me again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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