i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize