Your tits are I can't wait for
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
