im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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