There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
