clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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