You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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