I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
