i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
