they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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