We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
