is your mom at the bar?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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