Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
