dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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