Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
