That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
