Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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