wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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