Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
