i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
