It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize