did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize