So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
