he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
