I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
