Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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