Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
