I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
