Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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