Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
