we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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