You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
