i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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