My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
