I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
