just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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