did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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