there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
