it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
