the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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