I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh god it's open bar.
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