i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she smelled like a LAN party
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
