You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
