I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
