I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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