its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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