If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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