i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
