im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
