Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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