don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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