I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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