What a fucking waste of an outfit
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
