he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize