I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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