I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
