You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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