so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dick very happy bro
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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