I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
