Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
