i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Your tits are I can't wait for
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize