The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he thought i was a dude.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
