dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
