The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
