Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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