I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
