just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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