If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
