You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
